The legend of Colonel Harker – or: The man who painted his mechs
Many legends circulate in the archives of the Inner Sphere. Tales of glorious battles, lost worlds and indomitable warriors. But one story stands out among them all – one that is told in the officers’ messes of Outreach as well as in the smoky canteens of the mercenary companies on Galatea:
The story of Colonel Elias Harker, the man who actually painted all his mechs.
A dream of color and steel
Colonel Harker was commander of the “Crimson Hunters”, a small but proud mercenary unit notorious for its disciplined troops, but above all for its unpainted BattleMechs. While other companies marched proudly in bright colors, the machines of the Jägers shone in plain primer – an unmistakable sign that the colonel was “coming to paint soon”.
It was a running joke among the other units:
“If Harker’s mechs ever wear color, Terra will freeze.”
But Harker took it with humor. “Stealth is everything,” he said as he led the next unprimed Griffin onto the battlefield.
The vow
One day, after a particularly chaotic campaign on Carver V, Harker vowed to finally “bring some order to the hangar”.
He set up a huge palette of paint pots, carefully labeled each can – and began to paint. First the shoulders of the Marauder. Then the cockpit of the Locusts. One brushstroke after another. Day after day, night after night.
The technicians watched him in disbelief.
“Colonel, this is madness! We have to leave tomorrow!”
But Harker continued to paint.
He was possessed – or enlightened. Nobody knew for sure.
The miracle of outreach
Weeks later, the “Crimson Hunters” landed on the Outreach training field again.
And this time… the entire company shimmered in immaculate colors.
Red and black, with gold trim and perfectly applied unit markings. Even the hydraulic hoses were in contrasting colors.
As the sun slid across the hangar, the light reflected off the freshly painted armor plates – a sight so rare that even an old Wolf’s Dragoon veteran whispered in awe:
“By Blake… the man really did it.”
A myth is born
Shortly afterwards, Harker disappeared without a trace.
Some say he was recruited by the Clans to paint their OmniMechs.
Others claim he moved to the Periphery to “detail” his Atlas in peace.
And there are even those who believe he achieved immortality – not through technology or magic, but through clean lines and perfect drybrushing.
However, his name lives on.
And when tabletop gamers today sit hunched over their crafting table, brush in hand and eyes tired from the lamplight, they sometimes whisper quietly:
“Do like Harker – become a legend.”
A few more jokes for tabletop wargaming to round off the story?
What is a tabletop gamer’s favorite sport?
→ Figure pushing and dice throwing.
What do you call a table topper who has finished painting all his minis?
→ A legend.
Why has the table topper run out of money?
→ He said “just having a look” again.
How do you recognize that a tabletop player is single?
→ The minis have more attention than any relationship.
Why doesn’t the Space Marine have a girlfriend?
→ Because he only ever shouts “For the Emperor!” instead of “I love you!”.
Why are table toppers bad magicians?
→ Because they dice all the time, but they can never conjure up anything.
Why do table toppers hate dust?
→ Because it looks like “winter camo” on painted minis.
What do you call a tabletop gamer’s halo?
→ LED lamp with magnifying function.
Why has the Tabletopper turned the kitchen into a workshop?
→ Because he finally has enough space for priming.
Why do table toppers love math?
→ Because they constantly calculate hit probabilities, but never the account balance.
Why is a tabletop gamer’s favorite drink coffee?
→ So that the paint dries faster – and he stays awake until 3 a.m.
Why are tabletop gamers good storytellers?
→ Because they have a 10-page backstory for each character.
